This is John, Kate's husband. I am very sad to say that Kate passed away last Thursday afternoon (September 3rd, 2009) after her 11 month battle with lung (NOT breast!) cancer. I has been a very long and difficult three years since her initial diagnosis but her amazing spirit remained strong until the very end. Our strong faith has sustained us and we are so very grateful for the very special summer we had as a family. It is comforting to know that her suffering is over and that she is now among the angels.

There will be a memorial service for her this Saturday, September 12, at 12:30 pm at New Hanover Presbyterian Church in Mechanicsville, VA (http://www.nhpc.org/). In lieu of flowers, we are requesting that donations be made to a scholarship fund that we are creating in her memory. Donations can be directed to the church with a note that it is for the "Homan Scholarship Fund".

Rest in peace my sweet girl.

to catch you up on things....

Lots of exciting things going on in the house! Thought I'd share some new developments....

1) I started a homeopathic treatment for my cancer. John and I began researching alternative medical treatments a few weeks ago, since the medical doctors can't offer me anything else at this time. We figured, why not? At least we're doing something.

We found a homeopathic doctor not far from us. He also has his medical degree (internal medicine). He treats a wide variety of illnesses, from rashes to colds to cancer and other life-threatening diseases. I talked with a woman who had success with his treatment, and her cancer was very similar to mine (she had small cell carcinoma, I have squamous cell, but they're both in the lung cancer family). After being told she had very few weeks left, she tried his plan and is now "almost cancer-free". She actually checked out of hospice last summer. There was also another success story on the doc's website from someone in a similar situation as mine.

We faxed the homeopathic doctor my medical history, talked with him for over an hour on the phone, and within a day or two heard back from him with his treatment plan for me. This "protocol" as he calls it, helps strengthen my immune system, which has already been beaten down by the chemo and radiation. It also helps kill off, and stop growth of, the cancer cells remaining in my body.

I started his plan last week and it is pretty time-consuming, not to mention stomach-churning! Two liquid treatments, one of which tastes like watered-down, stale, bitter coffee, the other is chewy and tastes like grass. Just call me Elsie....MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The remaining treatments are these huge horse pills that are sometimes hard to get down. All these liquid drinks and pills, I take at least 2, some 3 times a day. And with all that additional liquid (don't forget all the water I go through anyway taking these and my regular pills), I am in the bathroom almost hourly!

It is a big undertaking, but everyone is behind me so I know I can get through. I am continuing with hospice, and am still taking all of the medications prescribed by hospice and my oncologist, so I haven't dropped their treatment. This homeopathic protocol is taken on top of that. We are praying that it helps. I can't explain it, but I trust this doctor, and I have faith that this will help me. (Anyone out there a firm believer in the power of prayer, as I am, please say a little prayer for me on the new meds!)

2) Another new, more painful development is this shooting pain I get down the back of my right leg. The hospice nurses believe it is nerve pain. We've tried a heating pad, massage, warm shower, but no relief...suggesting it's not a muscle problem. The pain comes and goes, and it helps if I change position in bed or get up to walk a short distance to another chair. Often I am screaming (well, more like whimpering...don't want to sound too much like a cancer diva) in pain, until John gives me the fast-acting painkiller and within minutes the pain is dulled. That is one special drug, I am telling you!

They gave me a new drug that is a muscle relaxant (and fortunately is NOT another narcotic) to add to the many narcotics already in my 13-pill-a-day routine (that number does not include the homeopathic pills). We need to give it about 4 days to get into my system and then we should see results. In the meantime, I'm amusing myself and the rest of the family with my slurred speech and babbling. This new drug makes me so tired and loopy, it is crazy! I talk to people not even in the room. I close my eyes to nap and while dozing off, reach for something that's not even there. I am so loopy. I feel almost zombie-like, and that I'm acting like a drug addict.

I am to the point that John or someone needs to support me when I get out of bed, because my right leg is so weak and wobbly! My legs have actually buckled, too, which is pretty scary! So I hope we get this all straightened out soon.....

3) The other development is the most difficult for John and me: talking with the children. Emma and Leah have a pretty good grasp of what's going on with Mommy. All the kids are excited about my new medicines (the homeopathic stuff) BUT...I think they are banking on it too much as far as as it removing the cancer. Before that, when I was first home from hospice, they were encouraged because I was up and about and moving around. They figured because I looked better, then I was getting better. We tried to explain that it doesn't mean Mommy had gotten rid of the cancer, just that Mommy feels stronger from the medicines the nurses were giving her. The cancer is still there, we told them.

Jesse, at 3 years, has little idea of what's going on, just says "Mommy, you have bad cough?" or "Mommy, is that your medicine to make you feel better?". Then he'd run off to my table "wanna pinch a cookie from Mommy!" (I keep a box of sugar cookies and pretzels nearby, and I let him have one after his nap.) He's also fascinated with my "magic bed" and wants to ride up and down and get under the covers. He may not remember me well, but he might remember that bed!

Frances has always said to me, even before the first cancer in 2006, "I'll always love you even if you die and go to Heaven. And if Daddy gets us a new Mommy, I'll be nice to her but I will never love her as much as I love you!" Don't know where that came from. She has always had an interest in death and dying for some reason. But for this new cancer, she still doesn't get that Mommmy will probably die from it someday. But maybe that is how a 5-year-old processes things, living in the moment? I guess when the time comes, she'll deal with it then.

Leah doesn't want me to die, but she understands that one day I will. Like everyone will die one day, I tell her, we just don't know when our time will be. Only God knows; it is all part of His plan for us. She told me it would be different not having me here. She is also worried that she'd have to get a new mommy, and she doesn't like that idea. She and I have had some funny conversations about burials and cremation. She was surprised to learn that they don't take your bones out before they put you in the casket. I guess she thought dead people were deboned like a chicken before being put in the ground! She will be OK, I think.

Emma, however, is now afraid to go to school because she doesn't want to be away should I die. She understands that the new homeopathic treatment may or may not work, but is glad that we are trying something new. That gives her some hope. She prays about it every night, too. I told her that I wanted to have as many conversations and time spent together while we can, in case one day I do start to fade and sleep more and won't be able to talk much. She agreed. She's still upset, although we can talk about things much better now, "more calmly less teary".

It's the "where to take these conversations next, for all 3 girls" that John and I are stumped on. We've talked to the hospice's bereavement counselor, told her where we were in our conversations, and (I'm just bragging now) she thinks we're handling it perfectly. She agreed to come out and meet with the girls this week, to move things along. The hospice is wonderful; they start sending in grief and bereavement counselora not long after you come home to hospice. They'll meet with any family member you want, even relatives who happen to be visiting, and our nanny, and they've been a great help with the children.

What a night!

We just got back from the most amazing outing. I'm a little tired, but want to get this all down while I'm still reeling from the magic of the evening! Here goes....

My friend Mary Beth, the co-founder of Beyond Boobs, knows a limousine rental company in Virginia Beach (I believe it's called Icon). Beyond Boobs rents their hot pink stretch Hummer limo every year for the calendar debut gala (remember? I'll be in their 2010 calendar!), calendar photo shoot, and other big events. They've gotten to know the manager, Dave, quite well.

Mary Beth must have told Dave about me and my cancer story. Dave recently contacted Mary Beth and asked if she thought we'd be interested in having the family ride in their special pink Hummer limo. She forwarded the info to me, and who would ever pass up that offer?

Dave brought the limo all the way from Virginia Beach to our house....at least 100 miles each way....picking up Mary Beth and her children on the way, and Rene (the other Beyond Boobs co-founder) too. They called us when they reached our development so we could look for them. We lined the kids up on the porch, and you should have seen the looks on their faces when this huge pink monster machine came strolling down our street! They were even more ecstatic when they realized the limo was for them!

Mary Beth and Rene surprised me when they both jumped out of the limo, with beautiful flowers and bright pink boas for all of us girls. We hugged and chatted and took lots of pictures. A photographer from the local newspaper (I wanted to make sure this act of kindness was covered!) was also there to shoot the big event. The newspaper's videographer had arrived earlier to interview me and she also joined us at our destination to get more footage. (You'll find the link to the video plus footage from the evening in the "updates" at the end of this post.)

Once all the neighbors had a chance to check out the limo, and once we got our kids calmed down enough to get in the limo, we were off! Destination: ice cream! We had about a 20-minute drive to a favorite place, Gelati Celesti, and we were quite the spectacle pulling up. A spectacle inside, too, with our boas and the sheer size of our group!

The kids had so much fun and entertained themselves very well in the limo. They were even treated to sparkling cider in real champagne glasses (grownups had real champagne, except for me. I wasn't sure what the alcohol would do with all the other drugs in my system!)

It was a wonderful evening, an unforgettable one. I know the kids will be talking about this for months. I am so grateful we had this night together, and am so touched by how kind everyone has been. Mary Beth and Rene of Beyond Boobs are always checking in on me, want to see how I'm doing, if we need anything. And Dave, the limo service manager....what can I say, I just can't get over his generosity. I mean, this is a guy who doesn't know me at all, just heard about me through a mutual friend, and he comes forward with this once-in-a-lifetime offer. I still get choked up thinking about it.

Mary Beth, Rene, Dave....they prove that there are good, caring people out there, who would do things for others "just because". Our neighbors, friends from work and church, my family, they've all done kind things to help us through this difficult time in our lives too. It is such a great feeling knowing these people are out there. And isn't it good to hear a happy story for a change?

Updates....Our picture appeared on the front page of Thursday's (August 13) Metro section, with a beautifully written article on page 3. Video interview and footage from the evening is on their website, too. Here's the link to the video: http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/news/local/article/CANC13_20090812-215405/285724.

there's still time to sponsor your favorite cancer girl's calendar!

Remember I wrote about being a calendar model? That wonderful breast cancer support group I told you about, Beyond Boobs, is still working on their 2010 calendar. The calendar is actually much more than a calendar....more like a breast cancer guide, full of information on cancer risks and prevention. Plus you can read all about the models and their stories, and learn from their experiences how they made it through to become survivors. I have the 2008 and 2009 calendars and refer to them quite often.

If you are interested in supporting this worthy cause, there's still time! Until August 15th, you can go to their website, http://www.beyondboobsinc.org/, click on the "Buy a Day in the 2010 Calendar to Live By" button, and follow the instructions. Buying a day means that you can have someone's name printed in the calendar, on the day you select. You can do this "in memory of" or "in honor of" a loved one. Days are going quickly, so if you are interested I suggest you do this soon.

The 2010 Calendars will go on sale in the fall. You can order them online, or at selected stores (mostly in the Williamsburg area, but hopefully some in Richmond too! Stay tuned...)

And while you're at the Beyond Boobs site, browse around a bit and I guarantee you will learn a great deal about breast cancer!

(A big thanks to my Aunt Mary, who introduced me to this group back when I was fighting breast cancer. She sent me their 2008 calendar and an article about Beyond Boobs that appeared in her local newspaper. From there I was hooked, and I checked their website frequently for updates and sometimes just to browse. I only wish I lived closer to Williamsburg so I could attend their meetings.)

I'm on Facebook

I finally decided, at this late stage in my life, to get on Facebook. Once I realized I could share pictures of the family with my family and friends, I was very interested! This way only people I know can see the kids. I never wanted to post thsir pix on the web since anyone could get a hold of the photos, a little too creepy for me.

If you want to see my Facebook profile, and check out my photos, you need to become a Facebook member yourself. Go to www.facebook.com and follow their instructions. You can then either search for me by name and send me a "friend request", or leave me a comment on this blog with your name and I'll look you up and send you a "friend request".....but only if I know you!

Still enjoying feeling good and spending time with the family. Have had a few too many outings and visitors this week, which wiped me out but I slept it off today and feel better this afternoon.

That's all for now!

an update on me

This is the post that I never wanted to write, but here it is, an update on me and my cancer status. It is not what I wanted, but I'm at peace with it and know that somehow God has worked out a plan for me that makes sense.

Here's the update....
I recently came home from a 3-night hospital stay. I had some breathing issues that needed attention, hadn't felt right for a few days prior, so John called the on-call oncologist and we took off for the ER. They were ready for me, wheeled me right in and it turns out my blood was pretty low in oxygen. They set me straight, and did a few xrays/scans while I was there. The scans showed that the cancer has spread more to my right lung, might possibly be a touch on my left lung (until now, the healthy one), and to my liver. (We knew about the liver spot back in the spring so that was no surprise.)

I still have that pleural effusion....sounds French, doesn't it? Fancy Nancy (Frances' favorite storybook character who always jazzes up her vocabulary with big, French-sounding words) would be impressed. Anyway, the pleural effusion is trapping fluid around the lungs, thus making it harder to take deep breaths. There are so many small pockets of fluid that the doctors weren't comfortable trying to get a needle in them all to drain them, and they said it really wouldn't bring me any comfort. So we decided not to put me through the misery of that procedure.

We also talked to my oncologist, and since this latest round of chemo doesn't seem to be doing the trick, and since my body has really been beaten down for so long, that it really is time to just stop this nonsense and let the disease progress. Any more chemo could knock me off my feet, and I want to enjoy whatever time I have left without all those drugs floating around in my body!

So I'm home, under hospice care, and actually feeling better than I have in months, thanks to the doctors getting my meds sorted out. I can finally eat. They fixed that problem, which was thrush that had gotten down into my throat. Two days on a pill and that was it, I was eating like a champ again. That feels wonderful. I still eat small portions but am enjoying food like you would not believe. Even went back to an occasional cup of afternoon tea. YAY!

I'm pretty much confined to my bedroom, though I have ventured downstairs quite a few times to have dinner with the family and work on the computer. I have a laptop up here, but the main PC has some files I need and it's difficult to transfer back and forth (long story, I won't get into that). I'm OK getting down the stairs, it's the getting back up that wipes me out. Last night I "bumped up" the stairs on my bottom, like we used to teach the kids when they first navigated the stairs as toddlers.

I have a very comfy setup up here....a nice adjustible hospital bed so I can finally get a full night's sleep! (I'm not confined to bed all day, don't worry. I do have other places to sit and lots to keep me busy.) And I'm mobile, so I can get over to the bathroom and to my worktable (set up for scrapbooking, letter-writing, and with room for my laptop if I get tired of laptopping in bed). I can go as far as my oxygen cord allows, which is down the hall to the kids' room to say goodnight! I can even go without the oxygen for as long as I like, which is freeing.

John and my mom helped bring my scrapbooking things up here, good thing I had them organized, and I've been working on Frances' baby album. She's 5 years old now, think it's about time? I actually finished that this week, had everything in order from 3 years ago but never took the time to put it together. Next project is Jesse's album (he's 3 years old now). We were missing a chunk from month 1 through 7, but my sister Susie was visiting last week and she found them all for me. Fortunately, I am organized. Sometimes messily organized, but organized nonetheless!

And if I don't complete Jesse's album (though I will), my mom reminded me that she had a baby book (she is the oldest of 3) while her younger brothers had nothing, few pictures, anything. And they grew up just fine, well-adjusted and as far as I know, not bitter about it. So that was some guilt off my shoulders! Thanks Mom! ;-)

Back to my room....My room is very peaceful. I leave the door open so I can hear the noises of the house, the chatter of our 4 beautiful children (and yes, the fights too), whatever noises carry up to the 2nd floor. The kids stop in periodically to say hello and give me hugs and kisses, play games, read with me. And Jesse, my big 3-year-old boy who is POTTY-TRAINED YAY!!!!, he loves to come in and go for rides on Mommy's magic bed. I taught him to say "Up Sesame" and "Down Sesame" and he is so cute. Sometimes he even wraps up in a blanket and pretends to nap on Mommy.

On the 4th of July, we spread a big picnic blanket on the floor and the girls brought up their trays to have dinner with Mommy. That was a special occasion! They took aff after dessert (with little brother and Mimi and Pop) to watch the fireworks a neighbor was setting off. They loved that!

So anyway, I'm doing all right. The hospice nurses come to see me twice a week (it was three times but they said I was doing so well they only needed two visits. That made me feel good!) They check my blood pressure and heartrate, ask if I have any new pains, check that my medicines are well-stocked, etc. A very sweet woman named Drucilla comes in M-W-F to bathe me, a luxury! Susie even painted my toenails for me, a bright orangey-gold that Emma selected.....another luxury! I'm enjoying it while it lasts!

I'm disappointed that I won't be physically here to watch my children grow up, but I've stopped feeling cheated and feeling sorry for myself on that. It is all part of God's plan, and I believe His plan for me was simply to bring these 4 beautiful, intelligent, and talented children into the world, raise them long enough to know right from wrong and have good manners, and then let them take off and grow up into the strong, influential adults they will become. I know they will all go on to do great things, perhaps even medical research to find a cure for cancer. I'm proud of where they are right now, and I know they'll all be successful.

John is a wonderful dad, and he's more than capable of taking care of the children. He's had to be mommy and daddy for quite some time now, since October 2008 when I first started losing steam from this new cancer....and he's done a phenomenal job. We have plenty of family, and tons of friends from the neighborhood and church, who can pitch in as needed, so I know John and the kids will never be alone. Plus I'll be watching over them from Heaven, sending hugs and advice as I can.

I feel confident that I have fulfilled God's plan for me, to get my 4 children off to the right start. They are all so talented, accomplished, curious, and extremely smart! Perhaps Mommy's disease will inspire them to further greatness in the medical field, or anywhere. I know they're bright enough to do whatever they set their minds to do.

Again, I'd like more time, but I'll take what I can get. And knowing my children are here, that they have plenty of sources of comfort between friends and family, so many people here on Earth who love them....I can rest easy.

When I do get to Heaven, and I'm not in a hurry mind you!, I'm hoping God's plan will make more sense to me. I'm happy with the version I have, but He will set me straight! Perhaps He has some writing projects lined up for me, who knows? We'll see!

Meet Your 2010 Calendar Girl

Are you a Boober? You'd know it if you were. I've become acquainted with a wonderful support group called Beyond Boobs. I discovered them when my Aunt Mary set me a newspaper article and their calendar back in 2006 when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer.

They are based in Williamsburg, founded by two phenomenal women who are breast cancer survivors. The support group, made up of breast cancer survivors and fighters, meets monthly in Williamsburg. Because of distance and health reasons, I've only attended one meeting but it was a wonderful experience. The room was full of love and support and encouragement, all from people I had only just met that night.

Every year, Beyond Boobs puts out a calendar chock full of breast cancer facts and prevention tips. They feature a different survivor/fighter in each month of the calendar.

I'm excited to tell you about this group not only because they are so great, but also because my family and I will be featured in the 2010 calendar! Not sure which month yet, but we'll be in there. The photo shoot was back in the spring, in our backyard on the swingset and in my garden. Lots of fun! We'll find out which month we're in when the calendar debuts in October. You can order them off their website (http://www.beyondboobsinc.org/).

I also wanted to tell you about Beyond Boobs because they are seeking sponsors for their 2010 calendar. Levels of sponsorship range from "Training Bra" to "DD Cup". You can be an individual sponsor, or just make a donation. But if you have a local business, this is a great advertising opportunity. You can even order calendars in bulk and have your business name printed on them!

And sometime in the next few weeks, they'll be selling days on their calendar, too. You can buy a date in honor or memory of a special someone. Lots of opportunities to support a worthwhile organization! Keep an eye on their website for details....

The Beyond Boobs story, donation information, and calendar sponsorship forms are available on their website. I hope you can spend some time browsing their site, I know you will enjoy it!